I am at the end of my two week cycle. After a Monday of Chemo, I feel pretty crummy for a few days. By Thursday, I usually start feeling a little better, my nausea decreases and eating doesn’t seem like such a chore. I don’t start feeling 100% until the following Tuesday, but then I feel great. Almost totally normal! Except my constant watering eyes and my weak muscles. And then the following Monday I start again.
Fortunately the watery eyes don’t get in the way of my visualizations and I think they really help. I am a really visual person. I have to see things in order for them to really sink in. For instance, when I’m at Chemo I visualize the medicine going in and zapping the tumors in my breasts, pyew pyew pyew it goes. And whenever my symptoms get bad during the week, I imagine that the chemo, in those moments, has hit a really serious cancerous spot in my body and is on the attack-like lightning bolts.
There is still this kind of unknown spot on my liver. It’s suspicious and it’s about 2 centimeters. They haven’t biopsied it because it’s so small and they wanted to see if it would react to the Chemo. I have another scan in January. If the spot shrinks, then we know it’s cancer. If it disappears or remains, then it likely is not cancer. Dr. Stanley, the breast doctor, at one point stated that she wanted the spot in my liver just to “melt away” and since then I have pictured each tumor bubbling up around the edges like when you drop an alka-seltzer into a glass of water. I’m not actually sure what it looks like when tumors start to shrink, but it’s probably pretty close.
I started seeing this bio-energy healer last week. She is working to “reactivate my immune system so it can work at it’s best”. It’s pretty far-out and I have actually felt a huge boost in mood and have a pep in my step that I had lost a little of.
So before my second treatment, she described that I should picture my body as a fortress and that there is a moat around my body (like my aura or energy field). She said that all of the soldiers are inside my body and that they have been sleeping, which has allowed this cancer in. The soldiers weren’t ready to defend the fortress, because they had fallen asleep inside and if something attacks when everyone is inside, then they become trapped. She asked me to imagine that we are waking up the soldiers and getting them ready to protect the fortress.
And so I did this visualization on that day and on all the treatments that have followed. I imagined the soldiers marching around inside my body and putting the fortress back together. I imagined them fighting the larger tumors, restructuring the walls that have started to crumble, sweeping the debris out of the way. I see the soldiers with the faces of all of my people; family, friends, supporters – and they are all working together to put my body back in order.
My favorite part is the work being done around the liver spot. This is when the soldiers have fun. I imagine that the soldiers have a bonfire on the liver spot. Basically there is this party in my liver and all my friends and family are there! And when I exhale, I breath out the smoke and the liver spot goes away.
Maybe I need to lay off the “meds”, but I truly think that all of this visualization is working. It’s helpful and it makes it a little more fun.
Are you a visual person? What do you think is happening in there?