Do you like summer? Are you ready for your kids to go back to school, or could you use a few more months? I love summers, but my past few have been a little rough. The summer prior to my diagnosis was the best summer of my life. Last summer was the worst; starting with the death of my father and ending with a scan indicating progression in my cancer.
This summer- well, I’m dubbing this summer, “Summer, Interrupted.” Interrupted, because I’m at the whim of this beastly cancer, and I’ve learned to plan my life in 3 month sections. When I go beyond that, I understand that these plans must be flexible, so I buy travel insurance and don’t attach myself too much to that future.
I had a summer plan, and it was bombed by the news of cancer progression and new chemotherapy.
This new chemotherapy, Ixempra, is known as the, “Chemo Beast.” It’s a chemotherapy used specifically for metastatic breast cancer or locally advanced breast cancer and I’ve heard it referred to as the chemo used, “When all else fails.” Scary sounding, right? My docs really want to get this liver lesion under control. This chemo is the WORST chemo I’ve had yet. I am essentially on my ass for 5 full days after each dosage. I can barely get myself a drink of water. Writing email is a hardship. So, subsequently, all of my “summer fun” has to be crammed into the weeks around my treatments. Treatment happens once every three weeks. When I’m at home, I’m in recovery mode, gearing up for my next adventure.
Those adventures, though, that’s where summer lives. Summer is creemees with sprinkles in your schools colors on the last day of school. Summer is camping in the woods with friends and no cell service and swimming even though it’s not that warm. It’s fishing and continually getting your line caught in the same tree, but not moving from that spot. It’s watching the town Fourth of July parade from my front porch and having an epic open house chicken barbecue that follows.
****INTERRUPTION****
Summer lives in the week I spent in Cape Cod with my family, slurping steamers on our private picnic table next to our tiny, perfect cabin. It lives in dragging my kids to summer concerts, even if one falls asleep curled in a camping chair. It’s celebrating my nephew’s 4th birthday on a perfect lakeside day, followed by a lobster dinner. Summer is maple creemees too late in the night and then begging my over-sugared, kind of grubby, overtired children to just go to sleep. And spending the weekend at Far Rockaway Beach in the Bronx celebrating my baby sister’s bachelorette party and learning to surf with the hottest surf instructor in the history of the world.
****INTERRUPTION****
Summer is FINALLY, after months of waiting, redeeming my daughter’s Christmas present by accompanying her to her first HUGE pop concert-Taylor Swift- and having a sweet girls weekend with her friends and mine! It’s paddleboarding her around on a lake and then having her return the favor. Summer is taking my son mini-golfing and to the batting cages. It’s eating dinner on the porch every night. Summer is going on a girls trip we have tried to coordinate for almost a year, and then having it rain all day. It’s all okay because we played dominoes and laughed until we cried instead.
And for the record, Alice’s version of Celebrity is the best.
****INTERRUPTION****
The last weeks of summer will be dedicated to watching my baby sister bloom as a bride. Sending my kids to Camp Kesem (the best week of the year for them) while I put my game face on and try not to think of cancer. It is getting pedicures and facials and finishing last minute crafts. It’s for making sure my dress fits and squeezing myself into Spanks (for the love of god). It’s for peace and partying and princesses. Summer is a love fest! It’s for fun and love and family and freedom and…
****INTERRUPTION****
Maggie so sorry you have to go through all of this! However you could have been a writer as your blog is so creative and wonderful. Not so much the reason why you have a blog ! Keep up your spirits and you can beat this terrible cancer. Keep the faith honey even though it is hard.
Love you, Pat
Maggie, I’m Rosemary Ingvoldstadt’s aunt. I met you at a fundraiser and have a glass in my kitchen with your logo on it. I’m sorry you are going through this, but so glad for you all that you are still holding on. Peace and prayers to you and your family. If prayers aren’t your thing, I’ll send good vibes into the universe.
I take whatever people want to give me! Thank you so much!
You have the most positive attitude! Keep it up! You can do it! And hey, where’s the picture of the surf instructor??
Hahaha-By my bedside.
Just kidding.
You inspire me when I need it the most. My journey is so less difficult than yours and I rang my bell yesterday at the end of just 4 chemo treatments. I’m blessed to have this part of my journey over with and am ready to move on to the necessary surgery I have decided to undergo. Not an easy choice but knowing it is my best option for beating this thing. While I know we all have our own journey and crosses to bare, I see your posts and think, “wow, if she can keep make the good days be this good, then so can I!” Thank you for reminding me to make those days the best they can be!
You are welcome! Get on out there and make the best of them! Good luck with your surgery.
You are amazing. Every day you meet cancer head on and spit in its face. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
I hear you. Started the summer with liver resection. Recovered…asked doctor to skip chemo till fall. He said no, but his referral to colon surgeon postponed chemo. May do surgery instead. I like the phrase interrupted. I have yet to be as brave as you. Keep postponing travel plans hoping to know my next plan. I am enjoying the break from treatment and surgery, but I also feel like I am pushing my luck. My cancer is held at bay for the moment, but I nervously wait for each scan results. I am tired of “ forever treatment” for my metastatic cancer, but I want to be around to see my daughter make it to college and to where ever life takes her. i hope you put that lesion in its place.
Yes. I hear that. I always wonder what milestones I will get to witness for my children…Sending love!
Maggie, The bittersweetness of this blog… My heart soars, my smile fades. You are living your best life. Even with this terrible illness. Most of us don’t think about the sweetness in the now or having grand adventures just because. We are always planning for ‘some day’. You make me want to pack it all up, put it in storage and just go…
Do it!! Thank you so much!
Maggie , I am so blessed to have met you Through Becca . You are amazing lady , Daughter , Wife . Mom , Sister and a friend . God Bless you and I will keep Praying . You are in my Heart and on my Mind .. ( Nate’s Gramma Judi )
Maggie, thinking of you often. Missing your beautiful children. You are an amazing human being ❤️
Thinking about you every day and sending out the good juju to the universe. Enjoy the wedding. Eff the spanx!! 😏
Maggie, I know you/know of you through my sister-in-law, Jenn (I am Eric’s sister). Thank you for showing us how to live with grace and courage, how to not let the at times overwhelming unfairness of a situation take over and rule our lives, how to make the most of the good days and how to make it through the bad days, and how to accept that there are some days that are just so crappy that you don’t want to make the best of them. You are touching more lives than you can possibly know, and the world is a better place because you are a part of it.
Thank you so much. If we can all make the world just a little better….
XO